it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Bring me that man meat
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
