Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
