end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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