just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
