Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
