About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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