Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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