I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
