i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
