my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
