A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
