Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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