i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
