I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
