I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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