the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
