i will never coherently bang her
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
