i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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