I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We need a shit load of segways right now
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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