So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
