Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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