I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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