I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
