this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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