a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
