i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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