nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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