apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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