So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize