it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
