On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
