By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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