Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
