He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We are two peas in an std pod
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
