Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
