his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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