Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
