I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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