i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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