apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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