I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I need water and some morals
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
