the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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