his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
