i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
