this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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