You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
