Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
