Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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