I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
