Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
