I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize