and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
