The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
