I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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