I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
you never un-have a 4some
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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