she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
