Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
