I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
