Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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