So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
