life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
