Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
