everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
