we're chasing vodka with high fives
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
