I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
