i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
