dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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