I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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