i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
