12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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