do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
